'...his barely hominoid milk fed gymp.'

Well it's that time of year again! That happy happy ho hum time of year that signals the return of the swallows, to library roofs across the states of Ohio. What fun we will have running through the bulrushes on our adventures, closely followed by Julien, Christopher and the twins, Munkle and Magnet. Yes I have been watching Black Books, the best of cynical humour, again. But who cares, it is Fashion Week in many parts of our glorious floating orb. Go fourth, and enjoy the spectacle through your own miniature imported telescope.


Collection Reviews will begin as of ...immediately...


SO... Prada

 

After the past seasons monochrome I guess this collection was the natural follow up. But to me it just felt wrong and unfortunately a huge let down comparing to Prada's last couple of collections. I mean what are these my friends?

They are monkeys, that is what they are. Holding baroque bananas. I don't know about you but this just reminds me of those hawaiian shirts american tourists wear and Indiana Jones. That might have been the point, to be cool and ironic. But I don't think it worked out that well. The colours felt too harsh and most of the clothes were quite boxy and shapeless. Usually I don't have a problem with shapelessness but some looks just swamped the models frames and looked completely wrong against their super slender limbs. 

I've just been talking about the clothes and so far this 'review' and so far it hasn't been a very positive one. But if you look at the whole atmosphere (I swear I don't use that word to be pretentious in real life) of the collection, it was quite cool. It feels mysterious and kind of cinematic, like an Indiana Jones spectacular featuring Josephine Baker in their new movie The Curse of the Golden Monkey, and his Sidekick Baroque Banana. Following Indi and Taffy (Josephine Baker) on their adventures through the Woods of Wrath, Hells Kitchen and across the Border of Mexico. With surprise appearances from Ishmael, the ninja assassin and physic. Who foresees the explosions triggered by the notes of the Mexican Hat Dance (pic 2) which will catapult them into a negative gravity universe. Oh how we will laugh as their small intestines shrink in their new found atmosphere. Who knows what other disasters will befall our heroic dwarfs on their mission to recover the Golden Monkey for Old Man Dwarficus. But you can be sure that it will not end prettily when Baroque Banana is on their trail. 

Photo of the Day...

Fashion Gone Rogue

"You obviously don't do debating." - Creepy kid at school

*scared face* anyway...


It seems that after every global recession there is a massive rise in the amount of fur on the runways. I guess it's the luxurious exclusiveness of it all after a year of saving and watching your money. But with this fantastical event comes the whole motley crew protesting against the use of fur. Sure if you're a vegan go ahead and express your beliefs, but just do it with dignity. 


What annoys me is the isolated way that people look at fur in fashion. They say its cruel to animals. Well yes of course killing anything for the sake of vanity is ridiculous. But barely anyone says anything about the exorbitant amount of leather used in the industry. I mean leather is just fur without the hair! It's the same thing with whaling vs. the traditional dolphin killing in Denmark. Everyone gets wound up about one aspect of the issue when their are other aspects that could be worse being ignored. Maybe more people are more against fur than leather because it's easier to harass a bunch of rich fashion people than a bikey gang. So no, if you won't wear fur, then you may not wear a new season Celine lamb skin jacket. 


I was given a real Zebra skin by one of my Mum's arty friends, with the idea I would make something cool out of the saveable bits as it was falling apart. I was quite excited at the idea of being able to make a zebra jacket with the mane down the back. But as I predicted my friends did not share the happiness for my new found vintage treasure. They just gasped and looked a little confused and worried for my sanity. Then I asked them if they had a leather sofa and they said yes. But alas they did not connect this to the fact that the one zebra from which my skin came from was humanely killed a very long time ago and has since then been used through generations, and instead of the zebras life going to waste I recycled something that would otherwise be at the dump. Whereas their new sofas took many cows that were most likely killed inhumanely knowing the specific industry they came from. Sure I would never have bought it first hand, but then again I guess that is the sentimental side of me talking. The side that wouldn't eat a dog or a hamster, but would devour roast beef any day.


Really they should invent a term for being well, racist to different animals. They'll call it... specist, oooOOOoooo. It will apply to people who are vegetarians but still eat fish. They are specist because they cannot commit to giving up smoked salmon. Or say if you like dogs but you wouldn't eat a dog and you like cows but you would eat a cow. (i.e me, i.e damn this argument) This is actually quite specist because cows are lovely animals who don't deserve to be the source for the majority of meat and leather supplies for humans. If you are a dedicated vegetarian but you wear a leather jacket, have a leather couch and are not kind to the environment that is needed for the survival of animals, well you're a specist. A deadly mental condition relating to general ignorance and err... human nature. In my opinion it is almost pointless to be a vegetarian if you're going to use leather and plastic bags as well. Either you go all out and support the fact that 'you just couldn't bear to hurt animals' by becoming a devout vegan. 


Stella Mccartney does not use leather or fur in any of her collections. She's an animal rights activist and a vegetarian so this all makes sense I guess. But really fake leather, vinyl, could be just as harmful to the environment as the use of cow skins. The amount of pollution that creating vinyl makes could contribute a lot to global warming and therefore hurt animals on a global scale. Then there are all those chemical pesticides used on cotton farms, chemical pesticides that kill a lot of wild life in the process. Then of course humans are animals too. You obviously couldn't buy anything produced in sweat shops if you were vegetarian. Then there's wooden jewellery and wooden heels on shoes that take away the homes of animals in the wild. And many beauty products that contain ingredients like palm oil. An oil found in trees, the habitat of the endangered orangutan. So basically if you're going vegetarian (and therefore vegan in my opinion) you will not be able to wear anything without harming the planet in some way. And obviously you can't do that unless you live in Canada (hahahahaha oh you're Canadian? well when when I said if you can't wear well what I mean is Canada is well...) Or, you can do the more natural thing that I think is probably best for the environment, eat a bit of red meat but not a lot, wear a bit of leather or fur if you really want to and just be nice to the environment.


I guess then if you wouldn't kill a cow you shouldn't eat a cow. But then everyone might starve because at McDonald's everything has meat in it (everything...). Then almost everyone would be dead except for phsycopaths and serial killers. No I am not depressed. 

But now I am. 

You're wearing a sheepskin hat

I'm free!!! (for the next two weeks, damn, but still, YAY!)

Woot! Imaginary holiday shopping list! Woot! I know, I'll call it the Woot List! Woot! 

Woot List

Spring has sprung, 

the grass has set,

I wonder where the birdies nest.

I don't know if I got that right, what does it mean if the grass has set? Well anyway, Spring has set upon us and it is in full fling. Although I was whining before about Summer I GUESS it would be nice to wear something a little lighter. Ok I tell a lie, I would most likely not be able to a lot of these outfits. But you know it's the thought that counts. Err... my thoughts to be precise. Hmmm.

'You will never understand the complexities of my mind.'

*imagines milk carton falling over* - Patrick Star - Spongebob Squarepants.

I think I'm turning siamese

Steet style x 2

Contrast and Complement

Ah people that exude that golden air of coolness. Oh how I worship you...and your coolness...from my cool people shrine...Wat? Who said they had a shrine to worship cool people with, not me that's for sure...

All images from The Sartorialist Blog

Why are some people so cool?

This is Sasha...

Sasha is an elf

Here she is at an elf party

Sasha has street style

In fact, she has a lot of street style

This girl is, how you say, FORMIDABLE, which in case, if you do not speak French is freakin' EPIC. Her outfit proportions are so right and well, perfect. And I love all the textures on her clothes. It is also so nice to see a person very into fashion wearing the same clothes all the time. In the first style picture, she wears the same shoes in all three photos. For some reason I find this very, nice, comforting I guess. She doesn't seem to have a truckload of clothes, she buys quality over quantity. (Although I think it I would like it better if I had quality AND quantity) I guess it makes you feel good about not having a new outfit on call all the time. That you can wear whatever with whatever and people don't (or shouldn't) care. 

One thing I really hate about fashion is that unsaid rule that you can't wear the same thing twice. I mean it's stupid. 

"Oh you're wearing that dress again... err how nice." They will say. 

"I did wash it you know, idiot!" I say in my head.

I mean as if (hopefully) anyone my age wears something once and then throws it away. That would be a world gone topsy turvy! A 'wardrobe' in the theoretical sense, is a place for collecting, nurturing, accumulating. A wardrobe is made by hunting and gathering, like people in the stone age or something. (And not for wood and nails and stuff, but for clothes silly.) But unlike something as disposable as food, clothes should be kept for years and years, until the owner out grows them and/or are passed on to someone else. And that ma petite amie, is where vintage comes from. And no one says anything if you say it is hip and cool vintage that has been worn like a thousand times by a few different people, is full of holes and smells like mothballs. No one cares because it is what everyone else is doing. In fact everyone thinks that everything everyone else is doing is great. But only if everyone else is doing it. (that makes sense in my head) I mean, what the hell goes through the head of 'the follower' if I wear exactly what she wears then I will be like her and therefore be great. This is my point...

         

I mean vat is za point??? Why does everyone want to wear their hair so that it looks like you haven't spent any time on it, when everyone knows you spent hours making it look 'messy'. Why can't people wear their hair like this???

(Oh look there is my favourite elf again, middle left on the left wearing amazing pixie/elf pants) (continuing on)

Well I guess because most people are not hair stylists, and most people cannot control a fork let alone their own hair. But that's not the point, the point is that people don't ASPIRE to wear their hair like that because apparently ALL NORMAL people don't wear their hair like that. The reason for that is because everyone else doesn't wear their hair like that and the whole cycle goes on and on making a bigger snowball of boringness until we're all dead and the sun has exploded. It's so boring, all these cookie cutter clothes from supre and Ally make me feel more depressed every time I go into their chains.

And what is with all the 'popular' girls dressing the same??? 

They are like an army!!!!

But anyway back to Sasha. She is basically the anti-thesis of the term MOD i.e Model Off Duty style. I mean really just get a leather jacket, black skinny jeans and leg transplants from a willing faun and you're there and back and look like every other high end model in the world. Yay for you. Which means you are also as boring as every other high end model in the world.

I just discovered ANOTHER reason why I love Sasha's style. Because she uses all the outfit mediums I LUUURRRRVVVE. Layering, fur, mixed textures and proportions and my favourite SHINY THINGS... i.e silver

By the way, did I mention she is an artist? Well guess what she's an artist!!! Here is her work for Karl and friends for the Chanel in Moscow thingy.

Pictures of all her elf friend in Moscow

Honestly the more I see her the cooler she seems

 

As I have said before...ELF

"It's so...SHINY!!!"

Ever so often a product comes along that makes people go crazy. This insanity can be embodied by line-ups outside boutiques and chains, waiting lists that could circle the Earth and kilometers worth of blog space, (which I am about to add to). This ma petite ami's is called a fad. A craze over something that everyone thinks is really great but most of the time turns out to be rubbish after the excitement has settled down and the item's refund time has ended.  Lately, there has been a cultish move towards the new J Brand Houlihan skinny pants. Which are actually just cargo pants that have been slimmed down with scissors and then sewn up again.

OOOOoooh shiny... Oh wait OOOOoooh maatte... 

(HA crack myself up)

'They have been pictured on all the celebs darling so of course they are going to be great.'  Says some creepy old-ish lady wearing top to toe Guess. *shudder*

             

Because really what would we do without celebrities? How would I go about my day without taking inspiration from people with no real style what so ever, that never think outside the big conformity box that they live in? I mean the way they party and eat and talk and party  and be photographed and occasionally use there meagre talent to take millions of dollars out of the economy? I mean why shouldn't I worship them? Why shouldn't I wear what they wear and buy what they endorse but don't use and call them by their first names in public to appear to know them personally? And why the hell is stalking inappropriate?

(If you agreed with those above questions please go immediately to this website 

www.get_a_life/jessica_alba_doesn't_know_were_you_live_nor_does_she_care.com )

At all proms, formal events and dances, there is a huge meltdown if someone is wearing the same thing as you. I mean whispering behind hands, death stares and rushing to the nearest ladies room to gossip about the dared event with girlfriends. If everyone is so wound up about wearing the same thing as someone else, why is there such a frenzy to buy and item that you know everyone already has? For $250 American Dollars (J Brand Houlihans) you can have an item that after a few weeks becomes fashions equivalent of the Ebola Virus, a washed out, been done piece that sits unwanted for years in a sales bin forever after. Why would you want to buy something with so much baggage attached to it?

The truth is, it's all about a moment. A certain feeling washes over the target market as they are told by their breathless fashion hungry assistant that a nearby boutique has fresh stock and regardless of any waiting lists are selling them off the rack. Adrenalin, excitement and the fear that they will all be gone before you are able to hand over their pay check in exchange for a something that will make you a someone. Then the relief when they are finally yours. One of the cool girls that wears theirs so effortlessly and with such confidence. This moment doesn't last long, and before you know it you're leaving the shop with your purchas/es, only to realise that in your haste they forgot to try them/it on and they are two sizes too small. Devastating yes, but really, nothing will stop the victim from wearing them. 

All the queue at Kate Moss for Topshop know this feeling. As well as all the women (maybe even some men) on the waiting list to invest in a Birkin or Kelly bag. They love the way they're accepted by the 'cool group'. How they are envied by there friends and death stared by in the know passers by. They answer one thousand times to the one thousand questions asking "Where did you get those?" 'The Pants' of the season will not last forever in their glory, but their legacy will remain... 

Brand Marketing team: You want shiny thing...

             

Victim: I waaaaant shiiiiiny thing!

Whimsy

Daisy Marc Jacobs campaign; Jak and Jil Blog; The Sartorialist; Vogue Nippon - Fashion Gone Rogue; Style.com; Natasha Poly by Corrine Day - Fashion Gone Rogue; Miu Miu shoes; Marc Jacobs Fall 2010 - Style.com; Chanel Spring 2010 - Style.com; The Virgin Suicides 10-11